Problem Pages Do Help! Who Knew?
by ultra-electrogirl
Summary: Boosh Characters writes to a problem page and YOU the readers leave helpful advice in reviews. After 5 reviews they will read them. Rated T because i like T and 'cos of some swearing and slashy sex scenes. but nothin that a 13 year old couldn't handle!
1. Vince's Problem

**A/N – Be the agony aunt on this. Help little Boosh Characters**

**Disclaimer: not mine.**

* * *

Dear Agony Aunt,

I slept with this girl last night. I don't even know her name which makes me feel like a washed up slapper. I've been like this for months and I can't stop thinking of my best mate while I'm wanking off/ having sex. We're both guys and I don't know if he swings that way. What do I do? Help!

From, Electro Poof xx


	2. Vince's Aunties Reply

A/N – with thanks to Chugirl2526, without whom I wouldn't have been able to write this chapter

A/N – with thanks to Chugirl2526, Stars of andromeda, ButtonsMagoo, Violence4, and x Thursday Next x without whom I wouldn't have been able to write this chapter.

Italics are Vince's Thoughts.

Disclaimer: still not mine.

Dear Electro Poof,

Stop using other girls to hide your feelings for your friend. This might be either a crush or true love, but you'll never know unless you tell him how you feel and explain things properly to him. Take things easy and let him come round to the fact that you feel this way about him.

From Agony Aunt.

Okay, I've gotta tell him. But…

Dear Electro Poof.

A difficult situation indeed. In a perfect world, if your friend didn't feel the same way, nothing would change between you. That not being the case, you'll have to think long and hard before you tell him. You don't mention if he's ever given you any signals, and you run the risk of ruining your friendship if your best friend doesn't feel the same way. Only you can decide if you should tell him. If it's really what you want, then follow your heart, sit him down and maturely discuss with him how you feel. No matter what the outcome, hopefully he'll stick by you, even if it scares him a little to begin with. But remember, don't blame him if he runs. It's a big deal. In the mean time, using girls as a cover is not a responsible thing to do, and isn't fair on them. Sort out your head and your heart, and you'll find that things will become a lot easier.  
Good luck!

Aunt Lucie

Well, no signals so maybe he doesn't. But…

Dear Electro Poof,

You shouldn't use other girls to hide your feelings for an affection you have for another; your best friend in the situation. Instead of Hiding your feelings by using other girl and in turn risking hurting hers. If you really feel for your friend confront him, even if its gradual, I'm sure they'd understand. Start out with a simple hug and let it grow over time, who knows they might have the same problem for you, you know who your true love is, and these girls obviously are not.  
I hope I helped.

Aunt Loula

I think my true love's Howard. But…

Dear Electro Poof,

A difficult problem, as you seem to have established a pattern of behaviour that may be difficult to break. To cover your feelings about your best friend, you have taken to having casual sex, which frustrates you more because you are not getting what you really want - and, I imagine, makes you feel guilty because you feel, in some sense, you are betrayed your friend.

Recognising that you have a problem is the first step, so I congratulate you on taking this. However, it is very important that you continue to help yourself. Firstly, try to void situations in which you would normally end up having this casual sex as much as possible. This will most likely be difficult as the pattern of behaviour is one you have adopted as habit, and habits are always difficult to break.

I suspect that things would become easier for you if you were honest with your best friend. You don't actually say, but I assumed from your tone that your best friend is another man. You may believe that this makes the situation more difficult, and in some senses it does, but you must begin by accepting that there is nothing wrong with you being attracted to another man. I suspect that part of your problem comes from some sort of belief that it is wrong for you to feel this way about another man, so you seek female company in an effort to convince yourself that you are straight.

You are probably also more reluctant to speak out because you fear your best friend won't feel the same way and your friendship with him will be ruined. This is a risk - but this would be a risk if your best friend was a woman. If you do decide to tell him how you feel - and this is what I would strongly advise as I feel it would break the pattern of behaviour even if he doesn't return your feelings - and he does react badly, you must remember that THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU. if he is a really good friend, although he may be a little uncomfortable at first (and remember, again, a female friend would probably be equally uncomfortable), you two should be able to continue pretty much normally. Also, once you have been honest, I suspect you will feel liberated from your feelings and free to move on into another, mutual relationship, whether this is with a man or a woman.

It is likely your friend has noticed your changing behaviour over recent months, and is probably worried about you, so he will be open to talking to you. be honest. try to talk at a time you both have a little while, not when you're about to rush off somewhere. choose a neutral setting - doing it in one of your bedrooms probably isn't the best idea - where neither of you will feel threatened. your friend will probably be keen to help you talk about your problems, even if he does not return your feelings. if he abandons you over this, it will be painful, but in the long run, you will probably be better off without him. of course, there is always the chance that he does return your feelings. you might think there is no sign of it, but then again, you are hiding feelings for him, so there is nothing to say he is not hiding feelings for you.

Remember, whatever you decide, it is not wrong for you to feel attracted to another man.

I wish you luck.

Aunt Hattie

Wow, that was a long answer. But at least it's made me realise I'm gay. But…

Dear Electro Poof,  
The first thing is to ask yourself whether you only think about your friend  
in sexual situations, or whether you think about him at other times. In other  
words: do you want a relationship with him or is it just a fantasy? The next  
step is to find out whether he feels the same - talk to mutual friends, talk  
to him indirectly to test the water before diving in with a confession or  
proposition.

Hope this helps,

Agony Aunt  
I want a relationship. I do. I really do. I love him. I want to be with him. I'm gonna tell him!


	3. Vince's Solution

**A/N – Why does this happen to me? Damn you writers block!!  
Also, if anyone wants me to up the rating, I will**

**Disclaimer: I live in the U.S! How could it possibly be mine?**

* * *

Okayyyyyy… The agony aunts are right. I've just gotta tell him. Straight out with it. As soon as he gets back.

The shop door chimed.  
Howard!

"Hey, little man."  
"Hi."  
"Hey, what's up. You look worried."  
"I'm not worried. I'm scared."  
"Why?"  
"I'm scared of rejection."  
"Who'd reject you? You're not like me, little man"  
"YOU might."

I practically threw my arms round his neck and kissed him, like our lives depended on it. But more passionately. And he kissed back! I was suddenly aware of my jacket being flung across the room.

Clothes everywhere…  
Kissing…  
Touching…  
Experimenting…  
Gasps…  
Whispers…  
Sighs…  
Moans…  
Pain…  
But so much pleasure…

Three hours later and we were _completely_ spent..

We started to get dressed before Naboo came back.

The shop door chimed.  
Valerie?!


	4. Howard's Problem

**A/N - Dedicated to ButtonsMagoo for the idea for this problem.**

**Disclaimer: Ohforgod'ssake!**

* * *

Dear Agony Aunt,

After 10 years of pining after him, me and my boyfriend are now together, in a gay relationship. No-one believes he's gay 'cause of all the girls he's slept with, and now his ex has turned up. She's pregnant. And I'm worried in case he chooses the baby over me. If he does I would of course support his decision, but what he doesn't want to see me afterwards? Am I just being paranoid?

From, Jazz Maverick


End file.
